Dear self.

[kageotogi]

Dear self,

I apologize for whatever it is I did, but classes are almost over, I'm getting my work done, and it's been a decent semester. I will try to get a hold of Doctor Connelly and I will email the parents and I will make an appointment to take my GRE and I will start looking at grad schools that aren't WVU and I will turn in applications and I will do my research on time and I will study for finals and GRE exams and I will get back into the habit of writing, even if none of my ideas are any good right now. I will be twenty on Saturday and no, this is not a big deal because being twenty and not having accomplished anything noteworthy does not mean I'm a failure because I am not Mozart or some sort of child prodigy and that's okay. I don't know why I feel like I do right now, but I can handle whatever this is because I know everything is going to be okay in the end and, if it's not, I at least have some really swanktastic friends who can help me through it so at least it will feel okay.

Please stop making me feel lonely and sad when I have no reason to be feeling that way. Please stop making me not want to do anything. Please make me feel like less of a loser. Please let me sleep at night without sleep aids and please please please help me figure out why my insomnia is suddenly coming back. Please make me feel better.

I will keep smiling, because that's the only thing I can really do right now in order to make the world a slightly better place. I will be the optimist, because that is what I am and it is the only thing I know how to do. I will keep a firm grip on my dreams for the future, because without those I am nothing. Self, please help make those just a little easier.

Love and thanks,

Me.

(To all of my lj-friends and readers: I apologize for the above post. Writing letters to the self is just a good exercise, and it always makes me feel a little better. Not great, but better. Thanks for putting up with me, everyone.)