That M&M thing.

[kageotogi]

If I could remember all the things I've said to frighten other people--especially my mother, although Greg is a close second (remember our life guarding conversation?)--I would write them down, put them into a book, and make millions. Okay, I probably wouldn't, but I would undoubtedly amuse myself doing it. Tonight, for instance, I was watching TV and... Well, I'll stick in script format, as always, but...

All right, you know the black and white M&M's? Yeah, well, we have bags and bags and bags of them at my house right now for some reason, so my mother gave me one tonight as I settled down to watch TV and told me to work on finishing a bag. So there I am, watching the idiot box, jotting down ficlet ideas, and eating the little chocolate candies, when she comes downstairs...

Mom: *looks at the way I've spread the M&M's on a napkin on the floor* Did you do that on purpose?
Me: Did I do what on purpose?
Mom: The M&M's! You've eaten all the black ones and saved all the white ones! You've segregated them!

(I take a moment to look down at the candies and yes, indeed, I have eaten all the black ones and saved the white ones. Didn't do it on purpose, but whatever.)

Me: Huh. How about that?
Mom: So you didn't do it on purpose?
Me: Well...

(Brace yourselves, folks.)

Me: Y'know, this is really a representative model of how America should be. You see what I mean?
Mom: Entirely made up of white people and no one else?
Me: Huh? Oh, no. Definitely not. That's just plain silly.
Mom: Then what?
Me: Entirely made up of albinos.

(I turn back toward the TV. She takes a moment to gape at me.)

Mom: Excuse me?
Me: You're excused.
Mom: That's not what I meant! You just said that American's should all be albino!
Me: Mmhm. Solve a lot of racial stuff, don't you think?

(More gaping on her part. I turn to my writing.)

Me: Hey, what rhymes with albino? Aside from all those words that end in -ino, I mean.

(She wisely decides to leave at this point, leaving me to eat my albino M&M's.)

Comments

[tabbyphobos.livejournal.com]

Genius. Simply genius.

[kageotogi.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed it. ^^ I wish I could harness whatever it is that inspires me to say these things and bottle it for future generations, but that would be very hard to do and I'm not even sure what does make me say the things I say, so... *shrug*

from Sera

[(Anonymous)]

>_< that's... just great! It would solve all racial issues!

Re: from Sera

[kageotogi.livejournal.com]

It really wouldn't, now that I think about it... And all the people who work in criminal justice and the like would have a super hard time getting descriptions of suspects...

"So you say he had white skin and hair? An albino?"
"Yeah, an albino! An albino murdered my sister!"
"...I guess it's time to send another one up to Unsolved Mysteries..."

[nil-from-hell.livejournal.com]

XD I wish I knew you in RL. Life would be so much more interesting. *cackles*.

[kageotogi.livejournal.com]

No guarantees on that one, although I'm glad you think so. ^_^

XD

[marsgirlly.livejournal.com]

XD *dies of laughter* One in a million, you sincerely are!

Re: XD

[kageotogi.livejournal.com]

I guess it's good that I'm one in a million... I don't think the world could take any more of me. ^^ I know my mother couldn't right now. *snerk*

[punctuates.livejournal.com]

::gigglefit::

...And you say that I'm the interesting one.

[kageotogi.livejournal.com]

You are. I just have fits of funny, but you seem to have a steady stream of interesting-ness going for you! (That made more sense inside my head than out...)

[punctuates.livejournal.com]

Bah!

[kageotogi.livejournal.com]

No 'bah' about it!

[anakakino.livejournal.com]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OMG That's awesome!!!!!!

[kageotogi.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it? (I'm sorry, I'm stupid. Who are you?)

[anakakino.livejournal.com]

*chuckles* I'm Nova/JuliaFinalea from Lost Dimentions/FeartheDark/EdgeofNowhere.

[kageotogi.livejournal.com]

Oh! *hug* How you doing? Long time no see!