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That M&M thing.
Jun. 9th, 2004 01:15 amIf I could remember all the things I've said to frighten other people--especially my mother, although Greg is a close second (remember our life guarding conversation?)--I would write them down, put them into a book, and make millions. Okay, I probably wouldn't, but I would undoubtedly amuse myself doing it. Tonight, for instance, I was watching TV and... Well, I'll stick in script format, as always, but...
All right, you know the black and white M&M's? Yeah, well, we have bags and bags and bags of them at my house right now for some reason, so my mother gave me one tonight as I settled down to watch TV and told me to work on finishing a bag. So there I am, watching the idiot box, jotting down ficlet ideas, and eating the little chocolate candies, when she comes downstairs...
Mom: *looks at the way I've spread the M&M's on a napkin on the floor* Did you do that on purpose?
Me: Did I do what on purpose?
Mom: The M&M's! You've eaten all the black ones and saved all the white ones! You've segregated them!
(I take a moment to look down at the candies and yes, indeed, I have eaten all the black ones and saved the white ones. Didn't do it on purpose, but whatever.)
Me: Huh. How about that?
Mom: So you didn't do it on purpose?
Me: Well...
(Brace yourselves, folks.)
Me: Y'know, this is really a representative model of how America should be. You see what I mean?
Mom: Entirely made up of white people and no one else?
Me: Huh? Oh, no. Definitely not. That's just plain silly.
Mom: Then what?
Me: Entirely made up of albinos.
(I turn back toward the TV. She takes a moment to gape at me.)
Mom: Excuse me?
Me: You're excused.
Mom: That's not what I meant! You just said that American's should all be albino!
Me: Mmhm. Solve a lot of racial stuff, don't you think?
(More gaping on her part. I turn to my writing.)
Me: Hey, what rhymes with albino? Aside from all those words that end in -ino, I mean.
(She wisely decides to leave at this point, leaving me to eat my albino M&M's.)
All right, you know the black and white M&M's? Yeah, well, we have bags and bags and bags of them at my house right now for some reason, so my mother gave me one tonight as I settled down to watch TV and told me to work on finishing a bag. So there I am, watching the idiot box, jotting down ficlet ideas, and eating the little chocolate candies, when she comes downstairs...
Mom: *looks at the way I've spread the M&M's on a napkin on the floor* Did you do that on purpose?
Me: Did I do what on purpose?
Mom: The M&M's! You've eaten all the black ones and saved all the white ones! You've segregated them!
(I take a moment to look down at the candies and yes, indeed, I have eaten all the black ones and saved the white ones. Didn't do it on purpose, but whatever.)
Me: Huh. How about that?
Mom: So you didn't do it on purpose?
Me: Well...
(Brace yourselves, folks.)
Me: Y'know, this is really a representative model of how America should be. You see what I mean?
Mom: Entirely made up of white people and no one else?
Me: Huh? Oh, no. Definitely not. That's just plain silly.
Mom: Then what?
Me: Entirely made up of albinos.
(I turn back toward the TV. She takes a moment to gape at me.)
Mom: Excuse me?
Me: You're excused.
Mom: That's not what I meant! You just said that American's should all be albino!
Me: Mmhm. Solve a lot of racial stuff, don't you think?
(More gaping on her part. I turn to my writing.)
Me: Hey, what rhymes with albino? Aside from all those words that end in -ino, I mean.
(She wisely decides to leave at this point, leaving me to eat my albino M&M's.)
